放手
Letting Go
StartReading
A mother's reflection on her daughter growing up and learning to let go.
40 new words
乖guāiobedient, well-behaved
女儿小时候很乖，也刻苦。
When my daughter was young, she was obedient and diligent.
刻苦kèkǔhardworking, assiduous
女儿小时候很乖，也刻苦。
When my daughter was young, she was obedient and diligent.
遵守zūnshǒuto abide by, to observe
她一向遵守约定，也懂得纪律，出门前总征求我的意见；我以为这就是亲人之间最基本的一致。
She always kept her promises, understood discipline, and asked my opinion before going out; I thought this was the most basic agreement between family members.
纪律jìlǜdiscipline, rule
她一向遵守约定，也懂得纪律，出门前总征求我的意见；我以为这就是亲人之间最基本的一致。
She always kept her promises, understood discipline, and asked my opinion before going out; I thought this was the most basic agreement between family members.
征求zhēngqiúto seek, to ask for
她一向遵守约定，也懂得纪律，出门前总征求我的意见；我以为这就是亲人之间最基本的一致。
She always kept her promises, understood discipline, and asked my opinion before going out; I thought this was the most basic agreement between family members.
念niànto study
我想念她小时候拉着我过马路的样子，突然明白，父母的担心并不会因为孩子长大而消失，只是需要换一种表达。
I thought of how she had held my hand to cross the road when she was little, and suddenly understood that parents' worry does not disappear when a child grows up; it simply needs a different expression.
基本jīběnbasically, on the whole
她一向遵守约定，也懂得纪律，出门前总征求我的意见；我以为这就是亲人之间最基本的一致。
She always kept her promises, understood discipline, and asked my opinion before going out; I thought this was the most basic agreement between family members.
阶段jiēduànstage, phase
到了某个成长阶段，她却产生了属于她的想法。
When she reached a certain stage of growing up, however, she began to have ideas of her own.
亲爱qīn'àidear, beloved
临走前，她把行程写在纸上，开头写着“亲爱的妈妈”，又轻轻吻了我一下，还约定到地方后先和家里沟通。
Before leaving, she wrote her itinerary on paper, headed 'Dear Mum', gave me a light kiss, and agreed to contact home first when she arrived.
违反wéifǎnto violate, to go against
她没有违反规矩，也没有大声争吵，只是沉默了一会儿。
She did not break rules or argue loudly.
规矩guījǔrule, established practice
她没有违反规矩，也没有大声争吵，只是沉默了一会儿。
She did not break rules or argue loudly.
能干nénggàncapable
后来她说，自己已经能够处理这些事，也希望我相信她能干，至少听完计划。
She was silent for a while, then said she was already able to handle these matters and hoped I would at least hear the plan and believe she was capable.
讲座jiǎngzuòlecture
有一次，学校请她出席一场讲座。
Once the school invited her to attend a lecture.
出席chūxíto attend, to be present
有一次，学校请她出席一场讲座。
Once the school invited her to attend a lecture.
酒吧jiǔbābar (for drinks)
讲座在市中心，附近有几家酒吧；主办方又是一家经商的公司，不是学校，这些都让我紧张。
担任dānrènto serve as, to hold the post of
她想担任学生会主席，参与组织，还要代表学校和外校同学交流，像做一次小小的外交。
She wanted to serve as student-union chair, help with organisation, and represent her school in talking with students from another school, like a small piece of diplomacy.
主席zhǔxíchairperson
她想担任学生会主席，参与组织，还要代表学校和外校同学交流，像做一次小小的外交。
She wanted to serve as student-union chair, help with organisation, and represent her school in talking with students from another school, like a small piece of diplomacy.
组织zǔzhīto organize
她想担任学生会主席，参与组织，还要代表学校和外校同学交流，像做一次小小的外交。
She wanted to serve as student-union chair, help with organisation, and represent her school in talking with students from another school, like a small piece of diplomacy.
外交wàijiāodiplomacy
她想担任学生会主席，参与组织，还要代表学校和外校同学交流，像做一次小小的外交。
She wanted to serve as student-union chair, help with organisation, and represent her school in talking with students from another school, like a small piece of diplomacy.
经商jīngshāngto do business, to engage in trade
讲座在市中心，附近有几家酒吧；主办方又是一家经商的公司，不是学校，这些都让我紧张。
目标mùbiāogoal, objective
目标慢慢变得一致：既让她学习单独面对事情，也让家人知道她在哪里、和谁在一起。
Our goal gradually became the same: let her learn to face things independently while letting the family know where she was and with whom.
系xìdepartment (of a university)
她却提醒我，自己面临的是有老师在场的活动，名牌和联系人都已准备好。
名牌míngpáifamous brand
她却提醒我，自己面临的是有老师在场的活动，名牌和联系人都已准备好。
录取lùqǔto enroll, to admit
她后来被录取参加一个青年项目，第一次独自坐火车去海边城市。
She was later accepted into a youth programme and took a train alone to a coastal city for the first time.
面临miànlínto face, to confront
她却提醒我，自己面临的是有老师在场的活动，名牌和联系人都已准备好。
一致yízhìidentical, unanimous
她一向遵守约定，也懂得纪律，出门前总征求我的意见；我以为这就是亲人之间最基本的一致。
She always kept her promises, understood discipline, and asked my opinion before going out; I thought this was the most basic agreement between family members.
让步ràngbùto concede, to give in
她没有要求我完全让步，我也没有坚持所有决定必须由我作出。
She did not demand that I give way completely, and I did not insist that every decision be mine.
隐约yǐnyuēindistinct, vague
海水很暗，远处的灯也隐约可见。
The sea was dark and distant lights were only faintly visible.
陌生mòshēngstrange, unfamiliar
那份平静反而让我感到陌生。
That calmness made me feel unfamiliar instead.
某mǒusome, certain
到了某个成长阶段，她却产生了属于她的想法。
When she reached a certain stage of growing up, however, she began to have ideas of her own.
建立jiànlìto build, to establish
但我们都知道，爱不是把对方留在原地，而是在可以放手的时候，建立足够信任，让彼此继续走向自己的路。
单独dāndúalone, by oneself
目标慢慢变得一致：既让她学习单独面对事情，也让家人知道她在哪里、和谁在一起。
Our goal gradually became the same: let her learn to face things independently while letting the family know where she was and with whom.
沟通gōutōngto communicate
临走前，她把行程写在纸上，开头写着“亲爱的妈妈”，又轻轻吻了我一下，还约定到地方后先和家里沟通。
Before leaving, she wrote her itinerary on paper, headed 'Dear Mum', gave me a light kiss, and agreed to contact home first when she arrived.
横héngacross
傍晚，我一个人走到横在沙滩前的小路上。
At dusk I walked alone on a small road that ran in front of the beach.
沙滩shātānsand beach
傍晚，我一个人走到横在沙滩前的小路上。
At dusk I walked alone on a small road that ran in front of the beach.
沉默chénmòto be silent
她没有违反规矩，也没有大声争吵，只是沉默了一会儿。
She did not break rules or argue loudly.
吻wěnto kiss
临走前，她把行程写在纸上，开头写着“亲爱的妈妈”，又轻轻吻了我一下，还约定到地方后先和家里沟通。
Before leaving, she wrote her itinerary on paper, headed 'Dear Mum', gave me a light kiss, and agreed to contact home first when she arrived.
忍不住rěnbuzhùcannot help (doing sth.)
我忍不住问了许多细节，却努力不把问题变成审问。
I could not help asking many details, but tried not to turn questions into an interrogation.
幸亏xìngkuīfortunately
幸亏那次谈话没有被一句不行结束。
Fortunately, that conversation did not end with one refusal.
暗àndark, dim
海水很暗，远处的灯也隐约可见。
The sea was dark and distant lights were only faintly visible.
Listen to the text
女儿小时候很乖，也刻苦。她一向遵守约定，也懂得纪律，出门前总征求我的意见；我以为这就是亲人之间最基本的一致。到了某个成长阶段，她却产生了属于她的想法。
nǚ ér xiǎo shí hòu hěn guāi， yě kèkǔ。 tā yī xiàng zūnshǒu yuē dìng， yě dǒng dé jìlǜ， chū mén qián zǒng zhēngqiú wǒ de yì jiàn； wǒ yǐ wèi zhè jiù shì qīn rén zhī jiān zuì jīběn de yízhì。 dào le mǒu gè chéng zhǎng jiēduàn， tā què chǎn shēng le shǔ yú tā de xiǎng fǎ。
When my daughter was young, she was obedient and diligent. She always kept her promises, understood discipline, and asked my opinion before going out; I thought this was the most basic agreement between family members. When she reached a certain stage of growing up, however, she began to have ideas of her own.
有一次，学校请她出席一场讲座。她想担任学生会主席，参与组织，还要代表学校和外校同学交流，像做一次小小的外交。我先想到的是安全，便说时间太晚，不能去。
yǒu yī cì， xué xiào qǐng tā chūxí yī chǎng jiǎngzuò。 tā xiǎng dānrèn xué shēng huì zhǔxí， cān yǔ zǔzhī， hái yào dài biǎo xué xiào hé wài xiào tóng xué jiāo liú， xiàng zuò yī cì xiǎo xiǎo de wàijiāo。 wǒ xiān xiǎng dào de shì ān quán， biàn shuō shí jiān tài wǎn， bù néng qù。
Once the school invited her to attend a lecture. She wanted to serve as student-union chair, help with organisation, and represent her school in talking with students from another school, like a small piece of diplomacy. I thought first of safety and said it would end too late, so she could not go.
她没有违反规矩，也没有大声争吵，只是沉默了一会儿。后来她说，自己已经能够处理这些事，也希望我相信她能干，至少听完计划。那份平静反而让我感到陌生。
tā méi yǒu wéifǎn guījǔ， yě méi yǒu dà shēng zhēng chǎo， zhǐ shì chénmò le yī huì ér。 hòu lái tā shuō， zì jǐ yǐ jīng néng gòu chù lǐ zhè xiē shì， yě xī wàng wǒ xiāng xìn tā nénggàn， zhì shǎo tīng wán jì huà。 nà fèn píng jìng fǎn ér ràng wǒ gǎn dào mòshēng。
She did not break rules or argue loudly. She was silent for a while, then said she was already able to handle these matters and hoped I would at least hear the plan and believe she was capable. That calmness made me feel unfamiliar instead.
我仍担心。讲座在市中心，附近有几家酒吧；主办方又是一家经商的公司，不是学校，这些都让我紧张。她却提醒我，自己面临的是有老师在场的活动，名牌和联系人都已准备好。
wǒ réng dān xīn。 jiǎngzuò zài shì zhōng xīn， fù jìn yǒu jǐ jiā jiǔbā； zhǔ bàn fāng yòu shì yī jiā jīngshāng de gōng sī， bù shì xué xiào， zhè xiē dōu ràng wǒ jǐn zhāng。 tā què tí xǐng wǒ， zì jǐ miànlín de shì yǒu lǎo shī zài chǎng de huó dòng， míngpái hé lián xì rén dōu yǐ zhǔn bèi hǎo。
I was still worried. The lecture was downtown with several bars nearby, and the organiser was a business rather than a school. All of it made me nervous. She reminded me that she was facing an activity with teachers present, and name badges and contacts had been prepared.
我们坐在窗边谈了很久。她没有要求我完全让步，我也没有坚持所有决定必须由我作出。目标慢慢变得一致：既让她学习单独面对事情，也让家人知道她在哪里、和谁在一起。
wǒ men zuò zài chuāng biān tán le hěn jiǔ。 tā méi yǒu yào qiú wǒ wán quán ràngbù， wǒ yě méi yǒu jiān chí suǒ yǒu jué dìng bì xū yóu wǒ zuò chū。 mùbiāo màn màn biàn dé yízhì： jì ràng tā xué xí dāndú miàn duì shì qíng， yě ràng jiā rén zhī dào tā zài nǎ lǐ、 hé shuí zài yī qǐ。
We sat by the window and talked for a long time. She did not demand that I give way completely, and I did not insist that every decision be mine. Our goal gradually became the same: let her learn to face things independently while letting the family know where she was and with whom.
幸亏那次谈话没有被一句不行结束。她后来被录取参加一个青年项目，第一次独自坐火车去海边城市。临走前，她把行程写在纸上，开头写着“亲爱的妈妈”，又轻轻吻了我一下，还约定到地方后先和家里沟通。
xìngkuī nà cì tán huà méi yǒu bèi yī jù bù xíng jié shù。 tā hòu lái bèi lùqǔ cān jiā yī gè qīng nián xiàng mù， dì yī cì dú zì zuò huǒ chē qù hǎi biān chéng shì。 lín zǒu qián， tā bǎ xíng chéng xiě zài zhǐ shàng， kāi tóu xiě zhe“ qīn'ài de mā mā”， yòu qīng qīng wěn le wǒ yī xià， hái yuē dìng dào dì fāng hòu xiān hé jiā lǐ gōutōng。
Fortunately, that conversation did not end with one refusal. She was later accepted into a youth programme and took a train alone to a coastal city for the first time. Before leaving, she wrote her itinerary on paper, headed 'Dear Mum', gave me a light kiss, and agreed to contact home first when she arrived.
傍晚，我一个人走到横在沙滩前的小路上。海水很暗，远处的灯也隐约可见。我想念她小时候拉着我过马路的样子，突然明白，父母的担心并不会因为孩子长大而消失，只是需要换一种表达。
bàng wǎn， wǒ yī gè rén zǒu dào héng zài shātān qián de xiǎo lù shàng。 hǎi shuǐ hěn àn， yuǎn chù de dēng yě yǐnyuē kě jiàn。 wǒ xiǎng niàn tā xiǎo shí hòu lā zhe wǒ guò mǎ lù de yàng zi， tū rán míng bái， fù mǔ de dān xīn bìng bù huì yīn wèi hái zi zhǎng dà ér xiāo shī， zhǐ shì xū yào huàn yī zhǒng biǎo dá。
At dusk I walked alone on a small road that ran in front of the beach. The sea was dark and distant lights were only faintly visible. I thought of how she had held my hand to cross the road when she was little, and suddenly understood that parents' worry does not disappear when a child grows up; it simply needs a different expression.
她回来后，讲起陌生同学、紧张发言和新朋友，眼睛发亮。我忍不住问了许多细节，却努力不把问题变成审问。她也主动告诉我，哪些地方让她害怕，哪些地方让她高兴。
tā huí lái hòu， jiǎng qǐ mòshēng tóng xué、 jǐn zhāng fā yán hé xīn péng yǒu， yǎn jīng fā liàng。 wǒ rěnbuzhù wèn le xǔ duō xì jié， què nǔ lì bù bǎ wèn tí biàn chéng shěn wèn。 tā yě zhǔ dòng gào sù wǒ， nǎ xiē dì fāng ràng tā hài pà， nǎ xiē dì fāng ràng tā gāo xīng。
When she returned, she spoke of unfamiliar classmates, nervous speeches, and new friends, her eyes bright. I could not help asking many details, but tried not to turn questions into an interrogation. She also volunteered which places frightened her and which made her happy.
从那以后，我仍会提醒她注意安全，她也仍会征求意见。但我们都知道，爱不是把对方留在原地，而是在可以放手的时候，建立足够信任，让彼此继续走向自己的路。
cóng nà yǐ hòu， wǒ réng huì tí xǐng tā zhù yì ān quán， tā yě réng huì zhēngqiú yì jiàn。 dàn wǒ men dōu zhī dào， ài bù shì bǎ duì fāng liú zài yuán dì， ér shì zài kě yǐ fàng shǒu de shí hòu， jiànlì zú gòu xìn rèn， ràng bǐ cǐ jì xù zǒu xiàng zì jǐ de lù。
Since then I still remind her to be safe, and she still asks my opinion. But we both know that love is not keeping the other person in place. It is building enough trust, when it is time to let go, for each of us to continue on our own path.
Tap a marked word for its meaning. Tap a line to see the English.
Grammar
她一向遵守约定，也懂得纪律，出门前总征求我的意见；我以为这就是亲人之间最基本的一致。She always kept her promises, understood discipline, and asked my opinion before going out; I thought this was the most basic agreement between family members.
Subject +意见/看法+一致
一致. Identical, unanimous (agreement or consistency)
他们的意见不一致。
Tāmen de yìjiàn bù yízhì.
Their opinions are not in agreement.
到了某个成长阶段，她却产生了属于她的想法。When she reached a certain stage of growing up, however, she began to have ideas of her own.
某+ Measure Word + Noun
某. Some, certain (indefinite reference)
在这个陌生的地方，妈妈感到她们好像交换了某种身份。
Zài zhège mòshēng de dìfang, māma gǎndào tāmen hǎoxiàng jiāohuàn le mǒu zhǒng shēnfèn.
In this unfamiliar place, mom felt as if they had exchanged certain identities.
幸亏那次谈话没有被一句不行结束。Fortunately, that conversation did not end with one refusal.
幸亏+ Clause,否则+ Clause
幸亏. Fortunately, luckily
幸亏你提醒我，否则我就忘了。
Xìngkuī nǐ tíxǐng wǒ, fǒuzé wǒ jiù wàng le.
Fortunately you reminded me, otherwise I would have forgotten.
Which word means “rule, established practice”?
Culture
中国式家庭教育 - Chinese Family Education
Chinese family education often values study, responsibility, and respect for elders. Yet education should not consist only of marks and comparison; it also needs listening to a child's interests and pressure. Family communication makes rules easier to understand and helps children become willing to take responsibility for their own matters. When parents give support and children gradually learn independence, lasting trust is built better than through commands alone.
Write the new characters
0 of 15 written
乖 guāi · obedient, well-behaved
Practice
8 questions · about 4 minutes
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Finish
Finish the practice to complete this lesson.